The Marriage Mantras primer

“Life has changed completely,” she said while kneading the dough. rubbing her forehead with her balled fist, leaving a few small lumps of dough near her temples. “I used to be fun, I’d just be myself,” she added. I cocked my head sideways and had a question mark on my face. “What has changed,” she asked, anticipating what I’d ask. “I’m married,” she said.

Most of us are under immense pressure the moment we enter our 20s. “Get married, what will society say?”, “Get married, while we are still healthy”, “Get married, you’re growing older”, “Get married, otherwise no one will marry you”. This list of reasons is endless.

The moment we give in and tie the knot, there’s a new demand.

Sigh.

Such is life. But then if you look at it, not all of these reasons are bizarre or unreasonable. Yet, far from being like our parents, we often find ourselves sitting in corners, dissatisfied with life and all the promises our partners made. So, what has changed actually?

Expectations

When my parents were on a groom hunting spree, I was sent to ‘meet’ a couple of guys. When I came back after meeting the second guy, one of my colleagues asked me with the best of her concerned looks, “Does he have baggage?” Unable to get her, I said, “Yes, assuming he’s come from Phoenix, he must be having some luggage, no.” She laughed. “Baggage — parents. Do they live with him?” I am unable to even express what I felt at that point in time. Today, both men and women need ‘space’. In-laws are a ‘bother’. In their absence, they fight like cats and dogs and often get separated. And they think ‘space’ is helpful!

Ego

It is no secret that both the husband and the wife, being equally qualified, earn equally as well. This gives space for ego to creep in and there you have a perfect recipe for disaster. To add to it, work pressure doesn’t help either. Almost always couples look lost, and despite being physically present with each other,  mentally, they’re in some other land. And that, my dear, is enough to light the pyre of their relationship.

Social Networking

Back in time, the only kind of social networking people would engage in would be real ones. Today, with people getting connected at the click of a button, there are increasing chances of the rift growing wider. What are the possibilities? Dwelling in the past, flirtatious engagements, or simply, unable to give their partner their time. With attentions diverted, isn’t it fair for one partner to feel left out?

So, then, when there’s a tiff between a married couple, what is to be done?

 

Analyse whether the person is more important than the issue. If you feel that the issue is not that important, learn to forgive and forget. However, if it something you can’t get over, you should move on in life.
Check for patterns and understand what is triggering problems. Sit and chalk out a solution.
Try. Keep trying. Relationships need a lot of investment in terms of love, understanding and time.
The moment you realise you are incompatible, please don’t make each other’s life miserable. Take a call and move on.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here